How do you woo your partner, or the person you hope to be your partner, on Valentine’s Day? Would knowing how both your own and their personality works help?
For example, is love deeper than just words? The answer to that has to be ‘yes’.
Can love overcome the barriers of speaking another language?
If you’re watching the new TV programme, ‘The Language of Love’ with Davina McCall, you may already have your own opinion on it. For some, it appears that love is about chemistry, and language is not as important – although there does seem to be some frustration.
The same frustration can occur in any new relationship, especially when you don’t know how the other person’s mind works.
Imagine if you could find out! The starting point is knowing yourself.
Do you know your personality type? You may have had this done in terms of business, but what about looking for a romantic partner?
One of the most famous personality type tests is Myers-Brigg, developed in the early mid-20th century in the US. You may be interested to know they were a mother and daughter team, Katharine Cook Briggs, the mother with her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers. When Isabel met her future husband, she was inspired to research personality type theory, although the indicators were ultimately used for business.
It may be worth checking what your type of personality is… Even without the formal questionnaire, you will probably recognise yourself in the different indicator types.
The 16, different Myers Briggs Test Indicator Types are:
ISTJ – The Inspector
ISTP – The Crafter
ISFJ – The Protector
ISFP – The Artist
INFJ – The Advocate
INFP – The Mediator
INTJ – The Architect
INTP – The Thinker
ESTP – The Persuader
ESTJ – The Director
ESFP – The Performer
ESFJ – The Caregiver
ENFP – the Champion
ENFJ – The Giver
ENTP – The Debater
ENTJ – The Commander
What do the letters mean?
They all work together, and we can have bits of all, although we have a tendency to lean towards an overall preference.
E – Extraversion relates to the people who are outward–turning, i.e. extroverts.
I – Introversion, the people who are more inward-turning i.e. introverts.
The following is how we gather information from the world around us:
S – Sense; people taking attention to reality, focusing on facts and details.
N – Intuition; people who prefer intuition and pay more attention to impressions.
The following looks at how we make decisions based on the information gathered:
T – Thinking; people who gather their information by focussing on facts and data
F – Feeling; people who consider emotions when arriving at a conclusion.
This looks at how we deal with the outside world:
J – Judging; people who prefer structure and firm decisions
P – Perceiving; people who are more open, flexible and adaptable.
So, once you know what type of personality you are, you can use this information to help you find your perfect romantic match.
Gary Chapman has written a book that looks at the different ways in which we give and receive love. He refers to it as The Five Love Languages, and they are; words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts and quality time.
An article has made the link between Myers Briggs and The Five Love Languages.
It is interesting to see how the different personality types work.
The majority of the introversion personalities put quality of time as their most important ways to show love for a partner.
However, for most of the extroverts, they are so busy with their time, it doesn’t appear at the top of their list. Here, words of affirmation, and physical touch are their important factors.
Where people find it hard to express feelings in words, physical touch is more important to them, and also receiving words of encouragement.
Only two of the personality types particularly love giving and receiving gifts. In contrast, some ENTPs feel giving gifts can be a shallow and insincere way of showing love.
INFP personalities can find it hard to express affection, and their love language is very personal to them. This is why it is important to spend quality time with their partners, but if their partner is not available to them, they can feel ‘let down’, and think they are not important in that person’s life.
However, they also often prefer having their own space and can go without physical touch, only to then realize they have missed it. They need a partner who understands their unique ways, and someone who can gain their trust.
Notice how the love of your life’s mind works. Do you spend enough time together? If not, maybe that is something that you could make special, by booking a romantic weekend break.
Do they like to cuddle up close, then why not choose some their favourite films, or TV series to binge, and make sure you have plenty of wonderful snacks and warming drinks at the ready. And you know where to go for those!
Use your knowledge of their personality and yours to create the best ever Valentine’s Day – it may put a sparkle back into a relationship that has become a little flat.